Self Awareness

Over the past month, my attention has sharply been diverted from the pursuit of knowledge to the experience of truth. A marked shift from Purpose to Self Awareness.

Over 30 days have elapsed but it hasn’t felt the same, past and present. I may be in a state of sustainable mania or maybe even full-blown psychosis as I am writing this, but this “mania” feels different. A heightened level of all my senses, a deep appreciation for the play that is unfolding before me every moment, a sense of the necessity for both pleasure and suffering, and the sudden bursts of crying yet failing to find that person who is experiencing that sympathy or sorrow. A new sense of belonging.

It is the sustainable clear state of mania that I have been seeking for many years.

But then I found out there was nothing to seek.

That there in fact was no seeker.

But who has been asking?

A moment of awareness.

Sometimes a burst of laughter over the absurdity of the predicament.

Back to awareness.

Yet awareness has no truth, or maybe it does.

Back to awareness.

Laugh.

Cry.

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